What I would say to Will and Kate (Session #4) How will you break the mold and keep Romance Alive?

If you haven’t noticed everyone is intoxicated by the upcoming Wedding. Not only because you are royalty, but also because you are both very attractive. In order for you to maintain the sense of attractiveness over time, you will have to break the mold of being conservative, and old-fashioned and appear attracted to one another in how you interact with the media and even more important with yourselves. William, when your Mom and Dad got married, it seemed the age difference might affect it and indeed it did as you rarely saw them together after several years unless it was for a public appearance.

Being the fact that both of you are young, that attraction, that spark, that passion will be clear and evident early in the marriage. It is certain after all the formal engagements, parties etc..their will be a lot of “shagging” going on. As years go by and you now have a few princes or princesses in the picture, it will go a long way for the two of you to continually love each other and that you love being together sexually. It will take a conscious effort to make romance and intimacy a priority so the malaise of marriage doesn’t set in.

What you don’t want to see is the fond memories of this blessed, historic event become an albatross around your neck. This can occur if you allow the word friend overtake the word lover, if everday demands replace dating, and finally if you are more concerned about parenting than passion.

So Will and Kate, as you become more comfortable and stable in your marriage, how will you maintain romantic side?

Here are 4 tips that will help intimacy alive and often. Discuss these topics together:

1. Share power equally – this will help maintain a sense of balance. If one  of you feels inferior to the other in the marriage and even in the bedroom it will lead to unfulfillment and disconnection.

2. Make the conscious effort to serve the other. Take a submissive approach, and committ to pleasing the other despite the daily obligations that can often take over daily life. Romance and intimacy is more than just flowers, candelight dinners and swooshing in the Alps. It’s how you think about the other, touch, conversate.

3. Feel open to talk about sex. Even though you may have great communication in other areas, don’t hesitate to talk about something that we view as pleasurable, sex. If you decide early on in your marriage to talk about what you like and dislike about sex, it will become easier to discuss exploring different aspects of sexuality over the years. Since this is your partner for life, you will have to try different things to keep sex exciting and spontaneous. Discuss these topics:

  • What you enjoy most about having sex with each other?
  • On a scale of 1-10, how does it feel to communicate about sex?
  • What things can you do as a couple to ensure more affection  and sex are built into the marriage?
  • What sexual fantasies, desires do you have, but you haven’t commuicated them with each other?
  • If your sex lives get stale, would you be willing to explore different sexual methods?

Once you have established and become more comfortable keeping the aspect of romance and intimacy in your life, the connection will become effortless and even more enjoyable as your marriage grows. 

I know the festivities are getting close with the rehearsal dinner last night..We  only have one more session left and I will share it with you in the early morning before the wedding. Get a good night’s sleep.

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ilovestrong

Keith has over a decade of experience in the field, counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. For the past seven years Keith has developed specific programs to help teens and their families achieve success in all facets of their lives that may have eluded them in the past. Academics, relationships, athletics, college preparation and applications, goal setting and developing specific plans are areas where working with Keith as a Coach can help young people set the patterns that promise a brilliant future. He works with couples to help them achieve the kind of relationship they envisioned when they first made their commitment to each other. Strengthening communication and revitalizing their understanding and empathy for each other helps couples regain the romance and closeness they long for – even in their everyday “real” world. Having a coach is like having a GPS for life. Keith can help you get a realistic picture of where you are and focus on the best path forward toward your goals. Unlike counseling, coaching focuses on the future, not the past.

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